i know you're leaving in the morning (when you wake up)
by samandfreddie
Summary: maybe, i know somewhere deep in my soul that love never lasts. s&f


**_author's note: title is from the song "the only exception" by paramore. review and tell me what you think. review and tell me what you think. disclaimer: i don't own anything i don't own. eiddes. {lauren}_**

 _maybe, i know somewhere deep in my soul that love never lasts_

x

quietly, and with grace similar to that of a feline, she slipped out of the bed, glancing back quickly to make sure her companion was still well in deep sleep.

she stretched her arms high above her head, stifling a yawn. the sunlight streamed through the barely open curtains of the room, casting a glow on her similarly golden curls and she reached a hand to rake through them.

giving the room a once over, she easily determined where her different articles of clothing had gone. grabbing her underwear off his bedside lamp, she let her mind's eye to play back last night's memories.

x

she didn't know why she was standing here, in front of his door, slightly drenched from the steady downpour that is ever present in seattle. well, that was half of the truth anyway.

she did know why she was here. she just wasn't sure why she's allowing herself to be, knowing damn well that should he ask her why she was standing in front of his door that she wouldn't want to tell him, of all people, anyway.

 _but then again_ , she mused as she shook her left boot free of water, _the dork's always been an exception._

taking a deep breath, she raised her right fist and knocked three times. she busied herself with listening to the hum of the rain outside the apartment building, so much so that she was almost startled when the door opened.

freddie benson, at seventeen years old, is a far cry from the scrawny kid he used to be. he supposed that he had sam to thank in part for that. as much as he craved a father figure during his youth, he knew that no one else could have toughen him up like sam puckett does.

over the years, he has come to learn that sam was both predictable and unpredictable. an oxymoron, if you will. sometimes, he almost believes that he knows her as much as one can know sam puckett but, living up to her reputation, she throws him off his game and surprises him once again.

just like now.

he would be lying if he told you that he didn't find the sight of rolling beads of water dripping down her smooth and milky skin erotic. sam was many things ― tough, challenging, clever ― but damn it all if she wasn't beautiful. he would've taken more time to appreciate the way her blue eyes coldly glimmered in that intimidating yet sexy look of her's if he wasn't so surprised to see her at his door, drenched to the bone, no less.

"sam?" his voice was filled with a mixture of concern, confusion and underneath it all, just a hint of delight. looking straight into his russet eyes, sam could already feel herself growing warmer already, despite the fact that she was still very much in her cold and wet clothes.

 _and this is the problem_ , she thought bitterly, _since when did freddie make me feel 'warm'?_

but that wasn't the problem, at all, she released a sigh. because freddie, he didn't just make her feel warm when it was raining and she was drenched and standing in front his apartment, the hours of the night having long settled in.

no, the problem wasn't him making her feel warm, at all. maybe, it was that he made her feel like she was home.

the one she wanted to have.

where her father was still there, where her mother wasn't halfway drowned in alcohol, where melanie wasn't just a twin sister, but a best friend and a confidante.

the home that she dreamed of having when she still used to dream.

the problem with freddie benson, she decided, is that he gave her hope. too much hope. and of all the rules she's set for herself, don't hope is much too important for her to overlook, even if it was with someone like freddie ― someone who could undoubtedly make her, and any girls' for that matter, dreams come true.

"sam?" freddie repeated, succesfully snapping her out of her thoughts. she realized that she didn't respond to his call the first time and instantly put on her trademark smirk. it all came so naturally to her.

"what's up, fredward?" he rolled his eyes at hearing his full name, crossing his arms over his chest. she bit her lower lip slightly, holding back from exhaling a deep breath.

"why are you here?" he asked her the dreaded question, leaning against the doorframe.

she shrugged nonchalantly in response, "aren't you going to invite me in? that's really rude of you, freddie." not waiting for a response, she pushed past him, going into his apartment without invitation.

freddie furrowed his eyebrows, _why is it that when she does the wrong things, she makes it look so right?_ a grin tugged at the corner of his lips and shaking his head, he followed her into his living room.

sam plopped herself on the couch, not quite having enough strength to turn on the television in front of her.

"can you lend me some clothes?" she asked him, closing her eyes as she leaned her head against the couch.

freddie, mesmerized with the way her lashes kissed her cheeks, stammered a quiet _sure_ and headed to his bedroom down the end of the hall.

when he came back, holding a pair of his smallest grey sweatpants and one of his shirts, he found sam no longer sitting on his sofa but raiding his kitchen, obviously for food.

"sam, you won't find anything but health junk in there," he shrugged, "i mean, this is my mother's home."

sam, who was in the middle of rearranging the contents in his refrigerator, sighed in defeat and shut the fridge door, leaning against it when she turned to face him. she had hoped that food would help calm her nerves.

"you can use the shower in my room," freddie offered, "or you could use my mother's but i doubt you want to do that."

she shuddered at the thought of mrs. benson's bathroom, who knows what kind of cleaning solutions she kept in there? nodding, she simply took the clothes from him, wondering why he didn't just leave it on his bed.

"i'll just watch some tv while you're gone," freddie told her, settling in front of the television.

sam looked at him for a brief moment, wondering when they grew into this familiarity they shared with each other. for two kids who used to have such a violent (on her side, anyway) relationship, they sure did have a real close friendship now.

sure, carly will always be closest to her soul, her best friend. the girl saved her and accepted her and to this day, sam still wonders what she did to deserve her. but freddie, if she had to admit it, will always be closest to her heart.

sam protected carly from the world, and although she loved her to pieces, carly lived in a different world from her's. she was all love and peace and happy endings. she didn't begrudge her friend her sheltered lifestyle, but she has seen enough to know that not everyone got to live the carly shay life.

that's why freddie, in that aspect, knew her more than the pretty brunette. he was less naive and innocent, and she always thought that was why he tolerated her behavior in their youth. somehow, he must've realized that she wasn't lashing out at him in general, she was lashing out at the world and he was just caught in crossfire.

at least, he used to be, until they actually grew up and became closer and now, she could say that he was one of her best friends, too. her only one besides carly.

as she changed out of her clothes, she pondered over what she was going to do.

 _would this ruin their friendship? would they revert back to malicious insults towards one another after this? would he reject it? would he understand?_

she just had to get it out of her system, as wrong as that sounded.

she loved freddie, truly. he was her best friend and more often than not, has provided her a shoulder to cry on should she need to or to punch, if she needed, too, as well.

that's why she couldn't feel more for him, she thought with determination. he was too good for her and even if he wasn't, love in all it's pretty fonts and colors, at the end of the day, was simply a word that at first glance, held a promise of happiness but only delivered pain.

after all, she should know. her mother, for one, was a victim of it. and she knew well enough from carly that her dad used the navy to numb his feelings from the death of his wife shortly after carly was born. mrs. benson, once she thought about it, probably wasn't a loon for no reason, as well. don't even get her started on how spencer couldn't hold down a stable relationship much less be a stable adult.

it was better this way, she justified. get it over with and forever be just friends with fredward benson. it's not like it's the first get-it-over-with experience she's had with him.

it was the only way she knew how to keep him in her life.

love, relationships and feelings made things messy ― complicated. and she couldn't live without freddie in her life, she just can't. she would do anything to keep him in it.

even this.

using the towel she knew he kept in his bottom drawer, she dried her blonde hair, combing it with her fingers until the knots had been untangled.

she walked out of his bedroom, instantly noticing that freddie had a large and cozy looking blanket draped over himself and the rest of the couch. the coffee table in front of it was full with snacks and drinks ― most of it her favorites, she noted.

"are we having a slumber party or something?" she raised her eyebrow at him questioningly.

freddie turned his head at the sound of her voice and felt his mouth go dry at the sight of her in his clothes.

there was something possessive about it that made him feel so ... satisfied. like sam was _his_. a warm feeling washed through him at the thought. she looked every inch the tiny blonde that she was, he might have grown up but sam sure didn't. not her height, at least.

shaking his head free from the sinful thoughts he was sure he was about to have, he gave her a small grin.

"well, it's late and i'm sure you didn't walk here and got drenched in the rain just to go home and do it again. i thought we should watch a movie or two before you," he raised an eyebrow at her, "tell me why you're here, not that i mind, of course." he finished with a grin.

sam gave a small grin in return. knowing mrs. benson was away for the weekend for a nurse' seminar or something, she knew she had the whole night to do what she planned. no need to rush, right?

she sat down next to him, "so what movies did you have in mind?"

he reached over and grabbed a small stack of cd's. "i was thinking along the lines of john hughes or nora ephron, what do you think?"

sam smiled. one of her guilty pleasures that only carly, freddie, spencer and gibby (only because he stays over during shay movie nights, sometimes) was her love for movies that are not just of the horror genre.

sure, she loved mma and could take gore and blood like a champ but sometimes, a girl's got to be a girl.

"sleepless in seattle?" she gave him a mischievous smile, the irony not lost in her. he laughed, "sleepless in seattle it is." he grinned.

it was during the part when meg ryan was listening to tom hanks talk about his wife on the radio to the sketchy radio host, whispering _magic_ under their breaths when sam decided to cuddle up to freddie.

freddie was surprised but definitely pleased when he felt the warmth of sam's body press against his side.

turning his head, he was surprised that she was closer than he thought, for he ended up pressing his face against the side of her hair. sighing, he inhaled her unbelievably sweet scent, and whispered, "cold?"

his mouth was near her ear and when he spoke, sam trembled from the pleasure of having him so near that his voice seemed to seep into her. taking her shiver as confirmation, freddie shifted in his seat until he was leaning on one end of the couch, sam between his legs, her head against his chest and his left arm wrapped around her waist.

from behind her, freddie was having a hard time controlling the pounding of his heart and he was sure she could feel it against her back. he loved having her near.

many people didn't know that sam became physically affectionate whenever she was around people she was comfortable with.

it was common to see her head rested on carly's lap and her legs drapped over freddie whenever the trio hung out to relax. spencer told him that when she was younger, when only carly and sam had met, that sam loved sleeping on his shoulder with her arms wrapped around his stomach.

when he had heard this, freddie felt jealousy wash over him. he felt silly, of course, sam was 8 years old for pete's sake! and spencer loved the blonde like he loved carly, with a brotherly love. he accepted them both for who they were even though they were as different as day and night.

"freddie?" sam's voice brought him out of his head. tightening his grip on her waist, he buried his head in her neck, sighing contentedly. "yeah?"

sam repressed another shiver from his actions. god help her, she was eyes-rolling-to-the-back-of-her-head pleasured with his touch. she wondered if after tonight, his touch won't affect her so much anymore. she didn't know how she felt about that.

"do you think that's possible?"

"what is?" freddie's curiosity was peaked.

"magic," she started, "the way he says that he just knew they were made for each other."

freddie felt a little surprised. it wasn't often that sam talked about things such as love and magic or the like. after the way she's been acting somewhat timid all night, he wondered if there was something on her mind.

pausing for a few seconds, he thought about his answer.

"yes," he finally answered. "i believe it can be true for some people."

sam had to repress a small smile. _freddie benson_ , she thought, _ever the romantic._

"why?" he suddenly asked.

"why what?"

"why did you ask me that question?" sam shrugged nonchalantly.

"nothing, really. i just don't think any of it is real." freddie frowned, he knew that the movie industry exaggerated the stories a little but to actually believe that nothing good like it could happen to you ...

sam caught the look on freddie's face and rolled her eyes. "oh, calm down, fredward. i'm not a cutter slash emo who thinks she's not good enough for anyone." _just not good enough for you_

"oh," freddie's eyebrows furrowed. "but then, what do you see happening to you? in the future, i mean."

sam sighed deeply, pulling herself into a sitting position. freddie felt the cold instantly settle when she drew herself away from him and barely contained the whimper that almost came out of his mouth. _don't go_ , his mind screamed at an oblivious sam, _stay very near me_.

"i don't know," sam said. "maybe i'll go to college, maybe not. i kind of want to travel the world a little, you know? get out of seattle and see what else the universe can offer me ..." she drifted off, a genuine smile softening her face.

freddie half-heartedly grinned back at her.

it was hard to imagine sam leaving. in a way, he always knew deep down inside him that sam was too big for seattle. her passion and her soul would get her somewhere and he just knew that as beautiful as she already was now, that she would still continue to blossom even more when she found what she truly loved to do.

"that's great, sam," he sincerely told her, ignoring the small lump on his throat. "i hope you find it."

sam's smile faltered at the sadness underlying his voice, "it?"

he bit his bottom lip, her eyes flickered down towards it. "what you're looking for."

their eyes met and it was like a switch was flicked on. after a second's pause, they simultaneously lunged for each other.

lips crashed on to lips and hands weaved into each others' hair and roamed hot searing skin while panting heavy breaths.

after they briefly pulled away, freddie looked into sam's blue eyes and caught a smidge of something sad in them.

"sam ― " he started to say but sam shushed him with a finger to his lips.

she slowly slid off her shirt, exposing her lacy and see through bra.

"no talking, freddie." she gave him a smile that could have hypnotized a king.

he couldn't have said anything even if he wanted to.

x

finally, she finished getting dressed. looking at the sleeping boy, she came closer to commit his image into her mind.

"freddie," she let his name roll out of her tongue, the syllables at home with her lips, as she softly brushed a few stray curls of brown hair out of his forehead.

this picture of him, she would take to her grave, she decided.

in all honesty, she didn't feel like she got him out of her system at all. quite the opposite, actually, since she feels like she just managed to get him into her system. _literally._

sighing, she pressed a soft kiss to his lips.

as she stood up, she paused for a moment, before bending down again to whisper into his ear. only the breeze that blew past heard the three words that she had uttered.

turning to leave, she was startled when freddie's arm shot out and firmly gripped her's.

his eyes looked so awake and determined when they looked at her that she wondered if he had been awake all along.

the next five words that he uttered changed everything about last night and what would've been this morning, and maybe the rest of their lives.

"i love you, too, sam."

x

 _and i'm on my way to believing_


End file.
